Stylish Spy tries a spa with a difference

TAKE ME WITH YOU…

FFOLKESPA is the newest addition to FFOLKES – a vibrant hotel, wedding venue, pub and golf space near King's Lynn in North Norfolk. Unlike anything this well-seasoned Spa Spy has seen in terms of décor, FFOLKESPA delivers fun and funk with a capital F.

Appealing to a new era of young spa goers, expect vibrant colours, bold patterns, neon lights and fab facilities, with an Ibiza-meets Hawaii vibe. Everything – from the water beds to the hydropool – has been handmade using reclaimed wood, bamboo tubes, corrugated steel, artificial hay, pine, cork and marble.

SHALL WE SPA?

Park up outside and walk towards Ffolkes’ own spa building with its spinning glitter ball out front emblazoned with the words Fun House. So far, so (un) spa. The vibrancy continues in the spacious reception area with its lofty vaulted ceiling, Temple Spa products, reception desk, and computer for checking in, activating your wrist band and adding a card for extras such as cocktails (yes please).

From here, stroll through a covered walkway with an autumnal forest on your right to another door. A long corridor with baby pink walls leads to the changing rooms which are as bright as they come with blue, yellow and pink lockers operated via your wristband. You'll find a grey robe and stripy towel inside. Four showers (with Temple Spa amenities) hide behind pink doors; immaculate loos behind yellow ones.

Two vanity bars have colourful tub seats and hairdryers (no other amenities); once dressed, grab the hand on the sign marked ‘pull me’ and drop your robe and towel down the hatch.

Through another door – and on your left - is an all-singing-all-dancing coffee machine to give you that pre-spa pick-me-up (you can also help yourself to jars of retro Pick 'n' Mix sweets at the end of the bar).

A colourful, playful hydropool with huge glitter ball above and swim-up bar at the top takes centre stage – walk down the steel steps, swim towards the waiter in the colourful FFOLKES uniform and order, as we did, a glass of fizz (in a real glass) to drink in the warm, bubbly water. Not wanting to get wet? Take a pew on one of eight rattan chairs at the other side of the pool and tuck into an array of cocktails, blended cold drinks (including Sex on the Beach), wines and beers.

We started our thermal journey at the foot baths opposite the pool – of which there are eight – before moving next door to the warm tepidarium beds in the four Ibiza Cabanas for two, with cushions, blankets and little side tables.

Beyond here, you'll find two loos which are far from ordinary – push a button marked ‘Press for Disco’ and get ready for loud music, smoke and a light display to accompany you as you do your business. As bonkers as it sounds…

At the top end of the pool an intriguing neon sign stating ‘soft play’ which we followed up (a lot of the stairs here are metal so bring your own flip-flops to avoid cold feet). At the top: a wooden swing seat for two, several beds with stripy bedding and huge bean bags. This area is in the open air so push a button to turn your overhead heater on if chilly.

Back down, and beyond the pool, is an open-air corridor of thermal facilities both left and right, each with a neon sign describing the room’s purpose (Global, Salt and Herbal for the saunas; Aroma and Eucalyptus for the steam rooms, Cool for the ice fountain and cold plunge bath). We loved the foliage-strewn ceiling hiding shower heads for that tropical outdoor shower feel and the wood burning stove.

Was that a gong we heard? This signifies that it’s sauna ritual time in Global, so called because of its map of the world on the ceiling. We also loved Salt with its salt bricks and Herby with its smell of lavender. The steam rooms are painted top-to-bottom in colourful hues: green for Aroma and pink for Eucalyptus.

Beyond here is the Zen area - open the door and remark at the bright wallpaper covering the walls of this separate building. Inside, 16 Spa Suites spread across two floors (12 with direct spa access), a pre-treatment lounge, four treatment rooms and Snooze, a dark relaxation room with eight water beds and reading lights.

TREATMENT TALK

We tried a Back, Neck & Shoulder Massage (45 minutes, £65).

Lauren, my therapist, met me in the pre-treatment waiting area (pictured) with its retro Perspex swing seat and hot pink armchairs, where we had already completed consultation forms.

She then led me to a spacious treatment room with a calmer palette of pinks and greens, and invited me to pop on disposable underwear and get comfortable on the heated bed, lying face down.

The treatment began with a back scrub which Laura encouraged off with hot mitts. Warning of my knotty shoulders, Lauren used hot stones to warm the muscles before giving said knots a good heave-ho.

Lauren then asked me to turn over so that she could massage my neck, moving up to a gorgeous scalp massage using oils, which almost sent me to sleep. Gently encouraging me round, Lauren led me to Snooze where she had placed a pineapple sorbet and glass of water on a tray beside a bed for me.

HOW DID IT MEAUSRE UP?

45 minutes wouldn’t usually be enough to loosen my shoulders but – with the aid of hot stones and expertise – Lauren pummelled them into submission. 

SPOT OF LUNCH?

Spa goers will need to get dressed and head to the pub on the other side of the car park to have lunch or afternoon tea.

Booked in for the latter, we selected a boozy milkshake of choice (banana rum, please) and a hot drink (breakfast tea) and waited for our two-tier platter to arrive, complete with mini glitter ball to replace the O of the word FFolkes (what else?).

On the Savouries level: Jalapeno scones, cheeseburger sausage rolls, chicken spring rolls and steamed Bao Buns; on the Sweet Treats level: chocolate chip scone, lemon and lime macaron, white choc and raspberry mouse and Bakewell tart choux bun. Groaning, we ordered take away boxes to transport our leftovers home.

GOT ALL DAY?

Book one of the new spa suites (pictured) for direct, free access to the spa, order a cocktail at the swim up bar, try a treatment and then head to the pub for dinner before retiring in style. In the morning, tuck into the pub’s unlimited breakfast (Feast) before having a crack at Container Golf.

SHORT ON TIME?

Do as we did and avail yourself of all the facilities before enjoying a treatment and afternoon tea in the pub.